Rain Drops on Roses

I went outside about two days ago and found some things that were picture worthy so I took my new camera out and this is what I got.



*Tuplis have started blooming outside the house.












*My brother's cat sitting under my truck. I swear I didn't put him there even though I sometimes feel like it.



















*Wood ready to be put in the fire pit.

Pastures of Plenty

I have been finding it difficult to be happy lately. I'm not depressed but I'm just not happy. Perhaps it is because in March, I did not get a weekend off. I worked every weekend at camp cooking for confirmation retreats and it perhaps because I am in the midst of one of the busiest times of year. School ends on Wednesday and before then, I have to write three finals and do a project. I was going to do a great deal of work on the weekend but instead I went to a funeral of my friend's brother. He died of a pulmonary embolism due to a badly sprained ankle. The funeral was one that was very sad as he was only just 30 years old. It was very shocking when I got a text last weekend as I was driving down Whyte Ave after dropping one of my coworkers from the weekend off at his house. I had to ask my friend if she was serious. She was. The thing about the funeral though was that I got to see many friends and acquaintances who I have not seen in a very long time. Many people who have passed through my life and I have passed through theirs, often making a dent in mine and their history and often not. Its funny how funerals do that.

*This is the road out of the camp. If you turn left or right, you will eventually get to the highway but if you go straight, you stay on camp property.

On the other side of the coin, I had dinner on Friday night with two old friends that I worked at camp with a number of years back. One is getting married in less than a month and the other I see more often but not often enough. My brother was going to preside for the ceremony but is not able to because his graduation from seminary is the next weekend and therefore cannot accept a call to a parish until after graduation which then means he also will not be ordained until then. Yet still, having dinner with these lovely ladies was like we had been passing through each others lives more frequently than we have been in the last couple of years. No time had passed. Nothing shocking had happened beside the upcoming nuptials, a baby, a new job here and there and a boyfriend in and out.

I think lately I have been feeling that my very tight knit and perhaps even suffocating group of immediate friends has been drifting away from each other. We're growing up I suppose and its getting more difficult to get together. Things are happening in each others lives that are not necessarily getting told to everyone and life is starting to happen. A few years ago, I would not have cared much. I would have gone on my merry way without a second glance, just a first glance, in the rear view mirror. I guess in some ways, these girls are my sisters. I have never had a sister but, I imagine that it would be like this. Sharing secrets, sharing each others lives, sharing one another. The truly sad thing is that I don't necessarily know if they care as much as I do and also think, that is the thing that truly hurts the most. Perhaps they don't but I don't want to face it because I do care. I used to be a cold-hearted jerk. I wonder what happened to her because sometimes it was easier to be her.

Hush

This past weekend, I worked a confirmation retreat at one of the camps that I work at during the year. Every time I work a confirmation retreat I realize that I love singing. Its like this integral part of me hibernates until somehow and usually out of no where, it reappears. I've been writing down my thoughts lately which has turned into me actually writing some songs for which I can be proud. I've also been getting some advice about song writing and lyrics from a friend which has really helped. I don't think I really have a desire to be some big recording artist but I feel like music is in me to share and it is also my stress-reliever. I've decided I want to make music my job and my life.

Foot on my Throat

Things have not been going well these days. In the last three weeks, I've had to put 1000$ into my car. The break pads that were apparently replaced just before I bought the Jeep were in fact not replaced and a fairly important belt was cracked. So, instead of the oil change that I was expecting to pay for three weeks ago, I had to pay 700$ for replacing my rear break pads, this "really important" belt and an oil change. To add to that, on Tuesday I took my car in to get the newly replaced break pads looked at because they were still squeaking and lucky for me, my mechanic called me up and told me that I needed to get my emergency break pads replaced too because they were grinding metal to metal. Great! Another 300$. Now I have no money and I also just found out that I need to pay the U of A more money in tuition because my student loan didn't cover all of my tuition like they said they were going to. This is even after I called student finances, Canada Student Loans and Alberta Loans. This is also after I had to 700$ more for doing my practicum last semester in Camrose. I thought I was doing the U of A a favour by going to a rural center. I also think I have to get rid of my phone because its costing too much to keep. I also need to get a hair cut but (you guessed it!) I can't afford it!!! This is all so ridiculous.